Double Bind, Pt. 2

Imagine my surprise when I see Mr. Dirty Simon Pegg scuttle into a seat at the rack as I'm dancing a set tonight. I stopped, tickled with surprise! Our subsequent conversation went something very similar to this:

"The girls told me you were jacking off at my rack."
(Here's his surprise! omg! wtf! w/e! face.)
"...Seriously?"
"Yeah."

He becomes very quiet and contemplative, then speaks up,

"I swear I wouldn't do that!"
"Look, the girls have no reason to lie to me, and the two who told me are really sweet girls. They're not lying. They saw your hand in. your. pants."

(Pause)

"I might've had my hands in my pockets."
"Mmhmm. And see, I wanted to talk to you about this last Sunday, but before I could get dressed, you-" (*cockroach scuttling away* hand gesture) "-scuttled away, out the door."

(Pause)

"I wasn't even here that Sunday."
(I laugh) "Oh yes you were."

(Pause)

"Oh that day! No, you must be thinking of the wrong person, see, I actually left the rack and talked with someone else for a while before leaving."
"No actually, you got all pissy and immediately left."
"Oh, I was in a hurry that day."

Oh, the lulz.

(Pause)

"You know... there's a difference between looking like you're masturbating and actually masturbating."

At this point he slowly scuttles away from the rack and sits at the furthest seat at the bar away from me. He leaves upon the realization that all the girls refuse to sit and talk with him about how smart he is(n't).

He had also tipped me again despite being clearly flustered and embarrassed while pretending to act cool. I think it's safe to say this round went to me.

Awfulness: 1/10
Douchiness: 10/10